“A pair of shoes can change your life. Just ask Cinderella.”

yarzeit is a hebrew word that means anniversary of a death. It is observes in Jewish tradition with a 24 hour candle, special prayers, having their name read during shabbat services with another special prayer.  Fall and winter are the yarzeit season in my life. yes loved ones have died in all seasons of the year but they tend to pile up during the shorter days in the darker months. My father at age 65. My mother in 2004, my sister in 2005, a best friend's daughter in 2005, a beloved co-worker who killed herself when she learned she was infertile and her husband wanted a divorce.  Such tsuris in life and yet without it we can't know the bliss. but it's a a lot of candles.

 

Who I miss the most depends on the season or activity. I miss my mother in law most frequently. Her name was Alice and I jusy happen to love in alicestreet and she epitomized for me what good christian is supposed to mean. Always kind to others, always interested in others, never heard a mean thing from her mouth and when asked her what her greatest flaw was she said quite sincerely that she was probably too generous. This was a woman who cleaned houses to augment the family income. Who canned veggies and fruits from her large and amazing garden. Who sewed her own clothing and was a great laugher, game player and fan of what her children and grandchildren did. She used to send us stollen every christmas- the best tasting stollen on earth.

 

When ever I start a new fiber activity I REALLY miss Alice, because I used to send her swatches of what I was making and draw litle diagrams and she saved scraps to give me - bits of lace and trim for my next project.

 

My father I miss most during high holy days- the yizkor service seems to belong to him, and his is the grave I have visited and left stones as a reminder I was there. And then my mother now has been added  to the fall missing- she died close to thanksgiving weekend and it is her dinner I cook every year. she claimed my chestnut dressing wasn't her's at all but I think  over the years she forgot all the things she put in it and how heavenly it was. and giblet gravy but I add sweet potatoes and brussel sprouts to my dinner where she made creamed onions for my brother and white mashed potatoes for me.  Wherever i sat at the table the gravy boat started at the person next to me so I would get it last--- as she knew i would pick out every little clump of liver or neck or mushroom and she didn't want me holding up the line. So now I eat all the clumps and know that her refusal to take on food fights was one of the few things she got right as a mom.

 

And then there is Emily. Who although I saw her the least I miss the most deeply because it was such a futile act- her taking her own life in philadelphia- and how could someone so beautiful and so gifted never see herself in the clear light  all of the others saw  her in. so anger and sadness and mostly such a waste is what I think  when i feel this ache. the ache that aches for my friend who lost a daughter. for me who also found and then relost  a daughter and double-triple-quadruple- me for losing so many children to miscarriages. those don't even get dates and candles or the whole house would be draped in black.

 

I personaly don't like Halloween. I prefer the day of the dead or that japanese holiday where they send lanterns down the river to the dead. it's not a funny dress up time. it's an honor to have known people who have left this world and the right thing to do is to remember them with dignity, a laugh, pissed off or any which way you can. Not with candy. Yahzeits yep.