Ages ago when I was a chat room addict on aol I did an experiment. After observing that my real life personality was often misunderstood, defiled and accused of being a male pretending to be female (and often banned from chat rooms usually by women) I decided to learn more about the sexual politics in our culture.


I created a user who was male. a good looking fellow of the right age who had a quirky direct manner. very much MY manner. and you know what? He was wildly popular. I typed the same way I did as the female self. and not only was I NOT banned or insulted I had to fend guys and gals off- they all wanted to know me and even share a beer. They saw me as bright , funny, sardonic. but as a woman those same words were arrogant. wise ass and bitchy.

Men and women are threatened by a bright direct women. Women respond with clique like discussions behind your back and then banning. Men toss out the ultimate insult: "You sound like a man."

People who know me in real life find that my direct manner and unwillingness to put up with bullshit are ameliorated by a soft voice, a laugh and a genuine passion for whats important to me. I am far from perfect- i can be directive, too talkative, too animated or opinionated however if I intentionally mean to hurt someone I know how to do it and it isn't subtle.

As I get older I find little interest in hurting anyone and so occasionally I blunder but am quick to apologize and accept responsibility. I also know how to CHANGE my behavior. I think it's being called a grown up.

But age does not necessarily bring maturity. And not everyone understands the concept of heartfelt sincerity or how to set boundaries with purpose and respect. In fact many people are inflamed by a boundary. This is what happened recently with an online fabric meet up group I formed back in 2007. The organizing and discussions occur online but the meet-ups are in real life and this group- which as I said I started but withdrew from after someone stole an expensive piece of equipment while at my house- had morphed into a stitch and bitch group. I assume the most recent organizer ( a right wing libertarian who raises pit bulls--- hahahaha --- I am not making this up) neglected to pay her dues, I picked up the baton.

Well some rules were set up, like one needed to rsvp, come to a group at least once every three months and if they said yes and pulled no show without a good reason they were dropped---- this made a few of the group very very crazy. ad hominem attacks began. I was called bossy and rude, accused of stealing a group from someone. so I closed the group to anyone unwilling to introduce themselves, deleted the trouble makers--oh you get the picture.

So the long and short of it ... is ... why are women so problematic among themselves? not that I want to be a man but why can't they stick to the subject at hand? leave if they don't like the rules and not create drama in the wake of their huffy exit.

I am at an age where I am not putting up with that crap and am not worried about saying so out loud. In short. why do women betray other women so easily and with such apparent glee? Why can;t we all have friends like Carrie, Samatha, Miranda and Charlotte? And yes I do have REAL life friends who have never done this to me and who I will adore admire and even obey forever. kisses to that group. fingers to the rest .